Before the Bride
The Marriage Manual
Written by the people who have had to use it
Model: Sarah. Hand-assembled. No returns.
Known bugs
- Reorganizes your pantry while you are in the shower.
- Narrates her own parallel parking.
- Takes forty photos of one sunset and posts none of them.
Required maintenance
- Most likely to organize the kitchen of a house she is visiting.
- Orders the exact same latte and then asks for a sip of yours.
- “shrimp night”.
Warnings
- Do not speak to her before coffee. Not a joke. A policy.
Emergency procedures
- Never let her hold the aux cord on a road trip.
- If she says “ok but hear me out” clear your afternoon.
Do not attempt before coffee